Yzabel

(Book read and reviewed for {Read It & Reap 315} in the Shut Up And Read group.)

This is the second book I read by this author, and like the previous one, I found it very easy to get into the story, always wanting to read "just one more chapter" before having to put it down. There was something pretty compelling to the writing, to the way the main character went about his life (though I'd have a hard time explaining how exactly such an effect was achieved).

In any case, I found "Erased" to be an interesting take on the themes of amnesia and, most of all, second chances. Ryan, the main character, is just coming back from a three-month stay in the hospital after a horrible car crash, with barely any memory of his family, his friends, and what his old life used to be. All he knows in the beginning is that his accident was very likely a suicide attempt... but of course, he doesn't know why he wanted to kill himself, and trying to reclaim his life, in between coping with his body that's far from done healing, is already hard enough a job as it is.

And this is where things are interesting, because the cracks start quickly showing under an apparently pristine surface, cracks Ryan may or may not have noticed before. Now that he's more of a watcher, someone who observes the lives of those strangers called "parents" and "brother" and "girlfriend", he's also able to see them for what they really are, or at least, for what they might have made him feel before. The teenager he used to be—popular, football star, with plenty of friends and a gorgeous girlfriend—may not have been such a stellar person. Ryan's brother is clearly hostile, in a justified way that Ryan just can't understand because, well, he doesn't remember, all that simply. And then, there's Paige, the first person Ryan actually makes friends with post-accident, the one he remembers making friends with, which makes a huge difference.

Ryan was given a second chance, one to make things right, or at the very least to realise what was wrong before and not go through the same mistakes again. However, the other thing I really liked in this story was how things seemed very black and white at first, yet always had another edge, depending on whose point of view you relied. For instance, Ryan's father behaves in a very encouraging way, motivating his son to go through physical therapy, to try and do things by himself (climbing stairs...) and not get caught into remaining physically weakened; Ryan used to be an excellent football player, one who could've easily gone to college on a scholarship thanks to that, and his father keeps reminding him of that in order to make him claim back his old life. Only Ryan isn't so sure anymore he liked football that much, and feels under constant pressure... but he also doesn't dare tell his father this, caving under this very pressure, when communication could've been key here. The same way, both his parents try to help him by throwing a party for him to meet all his family and old friends again, so that he can get reacquainted with them. The result? Ryan feels at unease, overwhelmed, starts to resent their decision—but he doesn't tell them that meeting those people one by one, gradually, would've felt better for him. And Lucas, well, Lucas appears like an asshole to Ryan, for sure. However, his attitude made me wonder: how would I react if someone who had treated me badly for all my life suddenly waltzed back in without any memory, any regret of what s/he did to me? Lucas's position was one of terrible pent-up frustration with no real outlet, in fact.

Nobody's perfect here, people keep making mistakes, trying to clutch at memories, at a former life that won't come back, or not the way it used to be. I thought it was an interesting take on this theme of how to live with amnesia, how to find oneself, and also how good intentions can quickly become hurdles, because nobody's really equipped to react "the right way" to such trials. There isn't even a "right way" at all in my opinion.

On the downside, the copy I got could've done with another round of edits. I found several typos, mistakes and formatting errors that became annoying after a while. I don't know if it was my file only, though, or if other editions have the same problem. (It wouldn't be the first time a file reads oddly on my phone, but not on another tablet. I've had it happen regularly with galleys, among other things.)

Then I was torn regarding my feelings about Ryan's relationships with Paige. What I found more important here was the way things changed between Ryan and Lucas, whether such loathe between brothers could be mended or not, and this was a very moving and beautiful story to read. On the other hand, I felt Paige to be somewhat... just there. As a friend, she was all right; as a love interest, I was never sure if this was a good choice, if it was really that useful. I also wondered about a few other characters in the book, a few other relationships that could've been explored deeper (Ryan and his mother, or some of his former friends, mostly): I expected Ryan to pay more attention to those, whether it was to try and get his memories back or to understand better what kind of person he was before and what kind of things he did.

Overall, I'm giving this story 3.5 stars. In spite of its shortcomings, I really liked seeing how Ryan discovered the boy he was before, struggled with the idea, yet still tried to get past it and become a better person by learning from his former self. Basically, he had to function differently (if only because he couldn't rely on even simple physical actions like keeping his balance), and I think he went through this in believable ways, including bouts of depression, of denial, but also of acceptance and will to become a new person, a self he could look in the face without being ashamed.